three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Even my vagina gasped.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
