he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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