I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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