There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have post one night stand depression
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
