I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
