Can i not drive my cunt home
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
