his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
