I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
