I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
