I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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