i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
