Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
