I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
