I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
