Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize