so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
