I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
