One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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