honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
