If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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