I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
