am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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