You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
