i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
