Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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