i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
