I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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