grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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