Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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