I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Bring me that man meat
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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