Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
