do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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