Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
