Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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