dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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