im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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