apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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