apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
