Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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