we're blogging at a bar
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
