i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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