Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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