Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
