Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
