Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
