I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
