I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
