Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
