Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
