remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
