this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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