I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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