Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
