why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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