do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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