i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
