Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this just has baby written all over it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize