Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
