its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities