There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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