i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
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People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single