I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
