GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
