i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS