Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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