You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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