I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
