you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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