So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
