Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
