If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've blown a few things in my day
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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