I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
