Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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