this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
