I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
