my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
