Me. At least after what I've been through.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
