In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
