ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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